Last night during worship service I relized something that kinda made me mad, well not so much mad as fustrated with my self. You see some how I have become annoyed with the name Jesus. somewhere amougst the desire to be different and set apart from both the World and the Church I have become anti Jesus(not the person, just the name) last night as we we're singing "Jesus, I love Your name, the name by which we're saved" at first (since I normally don't care much for this song) I sorta just numbly sang the words and not really payed much attention. It wasn't untill we had allready gone through the song a few times (not to mention the past year atleast that we've had it off and on) that I finally relized why I don't like the song. It was because the majority of the song is that line "Jesus, I love your name" I couldn't stand it. The more times we sang that line over and over again last night the more I felt like hiding away in the darkest corner in fetal postion.

The name that is high above all other names, the name that gives me access to the father! and yet I wanted nothing to do with it. So yeah I think it was more than just frustration~ I was pissed, How could I let my be in this place and not even relize it? How could I let myself feel that way toward the only name that gives me hope?

Last night for the first time in over a year I honestly with all my heart sung out to the only one who matters, I told him how sorry I was and how much I do love his name. His reply 'well done my faithful"

"Jesus I love your name the name by which we're saved"

thank you God for letting Nathan know You weren't done. and thank you Nathan for listening.