Brother's
when I was little I was terrified to sleep in my own room. I thought that the monsters in my closet would jump out and get me, allthough if I was with my brothers in their room I was safe, you know "safety in numbers". So my little brother Michael would let me sleep in his bed so I wouldn't be afraid. As we grew up I started sleeping in my own room. Then we moved to Belize. When you move some where so different and so far away from home you learn to depend on those around you for support. Even at the ages of 7, 9, 11 my brothers and I learned this. We would travel for months at a time in that old station wagan of ours. We became friends, we learned that we were family and we were the ones that would always be around. Then when we moved back to Riverside, we all sorta went our own ways. Even though we were semi seperated, we all were still very pertective of each other. We took care of each other. Then it was the move to Texas. This time it was just me and Mike, Tim had already moved out. So once again, we shared the same friends and the same hang outs.
Still, even with our history, I never thought I would take an accident this bad. I Thought I was strong I thought I could handle stress pretty well. But I think I was wrong, I think I was wrong on all it. I'm not strong, and I can't handle stress. I have made my self sick. My stomach is in knots everyday, I live on extra strength tylenol, and pepto. The only reason I get up and face everyday is because I know that I will get to go back and see my baby brother. I find some sort of errand that needs to be done eveyday. unfortunately it's mostly shoping ( for things needed in Bethesda)which means that my checking acct. will be drained soon and then shoping will not be an option. I am tired all the time, I don't even do as much as I did before, but yet I'm dead tired all the time. Even little things throw me over the edge. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not ok. Although I would never say that out loud. A good friend once said to me "Lora its ok to not be Ok every now and then" so right now I am not ok but I'm working on it and i think I will be soon. It will take some time and faith but I will be Ok.
when I was little I was terrified to sleep in my own room. I thought that the monsters in my closet would jump out and get me, allthough if I was with my brothers in their room I was safe, you know "safety in numbers". So my little brother Michael would let me sleep in his bed so I wouldn't be afraid. As we grew up I started sleeping in my own room. Then we moved to Belize. When you move some where so different and so far away from home you learn to depend on those around you for support. Even at the ages of 7, 9, 11 my brothers and I learned this. We would travel for months at a time in that old station wagan of ours. We became friends, we learned that we were family and we were the ones that would always be around. Then when we moved back to Riverside, we all sorta went our own ways. Even though we were semi seperated, we all were still very pertective of each other. We took care of each other. Then it was the move to Texas. This time it was just me and Mike, Tim had already moved out. So once again, we shared the same friends and the same hang outs.
Still, even with our history, I never thought I would take an accident this bad. I Thought I was strong I thought I could handle stress pretty well. But I think I was wrong, I think I was wrong on all it. I'm not strong, and I can't handle stress. I have made my self sick. My stomach is in knots everyday, I live on extra strength tylenol, and pepto. The only reason I get up and face everyday is because I know that I will get to go back and see my baby brother. I find some sort of errand that needs to be done eveyday. unfortunately it's mostly shoping ( for things needed in Bethesda)which means that my checking acct. will be drained soon and then shoping will not be an option. I am tired all the time, I don't even do as much as I did before, but yet I'm dead tired all the time. Even little things throw me over the edge. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not ok. Although I would never say that out loud. A good friend once said to me "Lora its ok to not be Ok every now and then" so right now I am not ok but I'm working on it and i think I will be soon. It will take some time and faith but I will be Ok.
1 Comments:
Miss Lora Jean!
I really, really wish I could be there for you right now. You were there for me so much when my mom was sick, that it kills me not being able to be there for you. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know how you're feeling, even though I know I've probably shared some of your emotions as you go through this. I won't ever be able to feel what you feel, so take my advice only from my personal expierence. It's okay to not be OK. It's okay to be bitter, hurt, sad, pissed off, annoyed...any way you want to feel...embrace it! It's your right as a human being to embrace your God-given emotions. Trust me...I wish I had told myself that a long time ago. I convinced myself that I was okay, only to realize a year later that I'm not and it's much easier to get it all out now and not bottle it up. So embrace your human nature and if you feel like yelling....you'd better be the loudest person in the room! If you feel like crying, you'd better cry enough tears to create a sea large enough for Moses to part. I love you Lora!
-Cindy Drimmel :o)
Post a Comment
<< Home