The Fiary Tale

For many years now I have been under the impression that I will grow old and die with the friends that I have right now by my side. That's just how we've been, normally we're not called "friends" but "family". We have been thru allot and have seen many years together.

Last night a few of these friends riped that fiary tale from me, and showed me very clearly that, that is not an option any more. I will one day seperate from the group that has become family, and longer be a welcomed part of the circle.

I was also made awear that all this will happen by my will. I would never choose that fate, and I don't see how it is my choice. But it was made very clear that it is my decission, and mine alone.

So were do I go from here? I'm torn between my two loves, and what would make me happiest is to have both. How do you choose? How do you decide what would be best for you in the end? I want to be happy. I want others to see that I am happy. Right now I'm not happy, but I don't think I could do any thing to change that. There is nothing I can say, nothing I can do. The decission that I was told was mine, has already been made with out my knowledge, and the minds are set, and there is no going back.

What are my options? What are my choices? If there is a chance for me to now change the future, then how? Someone please help explain, what do I do, where do I go?

My fairy tale has ended....

Why is it my fault?

why is it me? Why is it that the people that I thought would never turn on me or make me feel this way, why is that now, now its my fault?
Why can't life be easy? I'm done trying, I'm done, I'll take all the blame, your right, I'm wrong....I'm out!

ALONE

So I live with 3 other people besides the other two down the street, and the boyfriend up the street. There are so many people around, yet I feel alone. I feel like I'm on my own, lost in a world of confusion. and its all up to me to find a way. I feel like no matter what I do, its wrong and that makes it hard to make a decission. I guess I'm the one at fault and I'm the bad guy...I'm the one thats Alone, and in the end will still be alone.