Tuesday, October 10, 2006

3 weeks

So the Army had said that the family could visit for 5 days every 3 weeks, that was the deal.

Now they are saying only every 6 weeks, if that. They say people abuse the system. You might say to yourself well it's only 3 weeks, thats ok right. But you know I made the mistake of looking toward those visits, and baseing my whole well being on those visits. I told myself, "it's ok you'll see him once a month. You'll stay with him and help take care him. you'll be with Megan, you'll sit with her, and talk to her. That means she's only alone for 3 weeks at a time and in those 3 weeks others will visit. she'll know she's not alone, They'll know they're not alone."

I think it's a good thing that I wasn't there. To the Army I want to say:
" Let me tell alittle something about abusing the system. To me abusing the system, is orering very tierd and worn out soldiers who have served their time and are their way home, to turn around and go back. Once they get there you put them out side the camp, out on their own. You close down the dinning halls before their shifts are done. To me abusing the system is offering the world, and then turning your back once the papers are signed."
"Now I don't know if you have any siblings, Mr. Army man, but let let me tell you about mine. He is a boy that has lived his life believing that he needed to take care of me, and doing everything in his power to do so. It's my turn. I need to take care of him. I promised him years ago that would make sure Megan and the girls were Ok while he was away. Now they both need me. Why do you not understand that, that soldier lying in that bed is my little brother? and that very strong and courageous girl leaning over him is my sister-inlaw. and when you tell me that I can count on being there with them once a month and then take it away it hurts. "

Thats it

Monday, October 09, 2006

Brother's

when I was little I was terrified to sleep in my own room. I thought that the monsters in my closet would jump out and get me, allthough if I was with my brothers in their room I was safe, you know "safety in numbers". So my little brother Michael would let me sleep in his bed so I wouldn't be afraid. As we grew up I started sleeping in my own room. Then we moved to Belize. When you move some where so different and so far away from home you learn to depend on those around you for support. Even at the ages of 7, 9, 11 my brothers and I learned this. We would travel for months at a time in that old station wagan of ours. We became friends, we learned that we were family and we were the ones that would always be around. Then when we moved back to Riverside, we all sorta went our own ways. Even though we were semi seperated, we all were still very pertective of each other. We took care of each other. Then it was the move to Texas. This time it was just me and Mike, Tim had already moved out. So once again, we shared the same friends and the same hang outs.

Still, even with our history, I never thought I would take an accident this bad. I Thought I was strong I thought I could handle stress pretty well. But I think I was wrong, I think I was wrong on all it. I'm not strong, and I can't handle stress. I have made my self sick. My stomach is in knots everyday, I live on extra strength tylenol, and pepto. The only reason I get up and face everyday is because I know that I will get to go back and see my baby brother. I find some sort of errand that needs to be done eveyday. unfortunately it's mostly shoping ( for things needed in Bethesda)which means that my checking acct. will be drained soon and then shoping will not be an option. I am tired all the time, I don't even do as much as I did before, but yet I'm dead tired all the time. Even little things throw me over the edge. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not ok. Although I would never say that out loud. A good friend once said to me "Lora its ok to not be Ok every now and then" so right now I am not ok but I'm working on it and i think I will be soon. It will take some time and faith but I will be Ok.